No one may ever read these posts, but I want to say something about why I feel better about moving forward with plans for a baby.
A couple months ago, while helping put a roof on a house for Habitat, I had a great talk with a friend about contraception and God's sovereignty. He told me that he and his wife had used the Pill for several months when they first got married but then decided to stop. He told me that the main reason they made that decision was not because of the health issues or the possibility that it might cause an abortion - the main issue was whether or not God was really in control. If we've surrendered our life to His leading, how can we take this one very important part of ourselves and effectively say, "God, you aren't allowed to give us kids right now," and then turn around at a later time and say, "God, now we want kids, give them to us"? God simply doesn't work that way. He is Lord over everything, and He will resist those who try to becomes lords over any issue, even this one.
The more that I've thought about that conversation and the truths expressed, the more I've desired to trust God with my children, even in the timing and provision of their coming. Part of maturing as a Christian is submitting more and more of yourself to God, and I want to mature in Him.
Now, I know there are good arguments out there about why it is a good thing to control when and how many kids we have (I've thought through lots of them), but the same is always going to be true in any issue where God is asking you to submit yourself to Him. We must trust and obey Him regardless of the seeminly good reasons not to.
I look forward to being a daddy, even though I know I'm going to struggle. It will be a great journey that will build Lydia and me more and more into the image of Christ, and I think that may be what I'm most excited about.